Reflections from 9/11/2001

 Origami Peace Cranes in Honor of September 11

Today is a reflection of 9/11 that I wrote soon after 9/11/2001.  I would like to share these thoughts with you.

It has certainly been a devastating week for everyone in the United States.  We all continue to feel the impact of the terrorist attacks of September 11 on all of our lives.  Every time I see an American Flag at half-staff I feel deep sorrow in my heart.  As I drove by the Amway Corporation on Saturday evening, I observed that they had replaced the flags of many nations with all American Flags, each at half-staff.

I am reminded that the proper way to fly the flag at half-staff is to first raise it to the top of the flagpole, and then to lower it half way.  That would have taken a great deal of time at Amway, with all the many flags that were flying, but what a great way to honor the lives that have been lost.    I do not know how the custom of flying a flag at half-staff was formed, nor do I know how the procedure of raising it to the top of the flagpole before lowering it was created.  However, as I thought about the reason for this, it seems to me that in an odd kind of way it creates a balance—raising it to the top, and then lowering it to the mid-point.

And balance is what we as Americans must try to restore to our lives.  We have all been affected in a variety of ways.  The events of the past week leave my heart very heavy, and it does not take much for me to cry, and even sob.  I am experiencing a variety of emotions: intense grief and sadness, fear, and even anger and rage.  Right when I think I have worked through my feelings, something happens to bring me to tears again, and I realize that it will take a very long time to work through this.  America will never be the same again.

It is difficult to feel the intense pain that has been brought to our nation.  I just want the suffering to end.  I much prefer to have the feelings of pride when I see the renewed patriotism in our country.  My neighborhood street has never seen so many American flags flying.  There is a group of neighbor kids who have spent many hours standing on a street that does not carry a lot of traffic, holding a sign that says, “Honk for America!”  Every time a car passes and honks, these kids let out a cheer!  I am sure that they look at the United States in a much different way than they have ever done before.

It is important for all of us to be aware that we will face a variety of feelings, and it is imperative for us to make room for all of these intense emotions.  Also remember that any trauma that you have had in the past may be stirred up.  The grieving that you may experience watching the bombings in New York City may also intensify past losses that you have experienced.  So, as we are mourning what is happening in our country, we also continue to mourn the losses that we have experienced in our own families. 

I remember visiting New York City once as a child, and looking up at the Empire State Building.  As an adult I have been back several times.  The purpose of my visit each time was to see a good friend performing as a star in the Metropolitan Opera.  He always marvels on how he came from a “nobody” in small town Indiana to being a star on the huge stage of The Metropolitan Opera.  The first time I was planning my trip, I shared with a friend (who was a frequent traveler to New York) that I wanted to visit this huge city, but I was afraid to go.  She made a sign for my refrigerator that said, “You can do it!”  And thus I did.

When I got to New York City my fear of the city dissipated.  I found it to be an exciting and welcoming city.  The most apprehension I felt was in the fast taxi ride to and from the airport.  People were cordial and friendly to me, and I never felt like a stranger.  I found it easy to blend in with the people of the city.  I even had people ask me for directions, as if I lived there.

I was fortunate enough to have friends who live in New York City offer me a place to stay.  They live in an apartment on the seventeenth floor, overlooking Central Park.  I always loved “hanging out their window” to look at the sights of the city.  What a thrill it was to see the Empire State Building and the World Trade Center, especially at night.  Listening to the sounds of the city which never sleeps, is a real adventure also.  That vision will never be the same again.  I feel a hole in my heart when I think of gazing over this city, with no sight of the World Trade Center again.  It is so difficult and painful to imagine.

For some odd reason this past week, when I felt sad about New York City, I felt a need to explain why—to defend my sadness. I felt that somehow I was not entitled to feel such intense grief when I did not live in New York, nor did I know anyone personally in the Twin Towers. Then I realized that I do not have to defend my emotions—I am an American, and I have been injured too.  

It is important for each one of us to make room for the feelings, to find time to grieve, and to be able to do so with friends, as well as to grieve alone.  True healing comes when we find friends to share our sorrow with.  Yes, it is important to find balance in our lives, and there are many ways to do so.  Going to work and trying to carry on with our everyday activities is critical in creating the equilibrium.  However, taking time to grieve, and to share with others is also important. 

We ask what we can do.  Although we may not be able to help in the clean-up efforts in New York City, I believe that we can begin to treat others in our lives with more love and respect.  Take the time to really be with those around you.  Tell people in your lives how important they are to you.  One step at a time, one person at a time, reaching out to others in love, WILL make a difference in our world.