Waiting..........

You may have guessed by now that I enjoy flowers!  I have been adding flower gardens to my back yard that last few years, and this year has been no exception.  However there is one corner that had some iris blooming at the beginning of the summer, and since then everything has just been green.  Very plain looking.  One day I was mentioning (ok..complaining is probably a better word) that that section just looked dull.

Within a few days, it was soon alive with beautiful  saucer size hibiscus!  That corner is now brilliant! On a daily basis I look at it with awe!  I had forgotten how breath these pretty big blooms can be!  The waiting was worth it.  The plain green leaves that seemed boring, were actually in the process of growing and producing beautiful flowers.  Sometimes our lives may seem a bit boring, but perhaps new life is just around the corner!  Patience and enjoying what is there for the moment may very well bring rewards!

Patterns

I had a Camry for over 12 years and I loved that car!  After several years the lock on the driver’s door just quit working.  When I discovered it would be a couple of hundred dollars to repair it I decided I would just always unlock it from the passenger’s side.  I figured it was no big deal, and in the process I would get a few more steps in my life as I had to walk around the car every time I unlocked it!

When I went to visit my mother in southern Indiana, we took a friend for a ride to Nashville, Indiana.  Nashville is a fun little artsy place and it was always special to go visit there.  Brown County, where it is located is known for the beautiful colorful leaves in the fall. Since it was October, the little town was packed with visitors, so I let my mother and friend out of the car and was actually able to find a parking place!  I had driven my mother’s car, as she liked to have her car get out on the highway once in awhile!

When we were ready to go back to my mother’s home, I told them I would get the car and pick them up!  I walked to the special parking, and went up to her car to get in it! Suddenly, I realized that I was unlocking it from the passenger’s side!  I laughed and thought “Oh, my….how easy it is to get in a pattern!”  Obviously, this was not anything too major, but I realized how easy it is to get in a pattern and do things over and over again!  Sometimes our patterns do not matter so much, but at other times it is easy to get into patterns that can be harmful to us.  It’s important to be aware of this, and stop from time to time to review your actions!

Getting Unstuck Quotes

In exploring how to live more fully, it is sometimes  helpful to read quotes on a topic.  Because I am giving a 3 part series presentation on " Getting Unstuck", I have researched some quotes on this topic!  Hope you find the following sayings helpful!

If you always do, what you’ve always done, You will always get what you always got. Unknown

"Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened."
— Dr. Seuss

“Imperfect action is better than perfect procrastination” Unknown

Destiny is not a matter of chance but of choice. Not something to wish for but to attain.
       - William Jennings Bryan!

You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do.
       - Eleanor Roosevelt

“Develop success from failures. Discouragement and failure are two of the surest stepping stones to success.”
      -Dale Carnegie

“I haven’t failed, I’ve found 10,000 ways that don’t work”
     -Thomas Alva Edison

"Insanity is doing the same thing, over and over again, but expecting different results."
— This is a quote we hear often, but there is debate where it came from. Some say Albert Einstein, others say Ben Franklin, and others have a different answer.  No matter who said it, this statement says a lot!

Unlocking the Doors!

In 2000 I was the director of Good News Community, a support group for people going through separation, divorce, or loss of relationship.  The office was in an older building which was for the most part, vacant.  There was only one other business in it, which was not used very much.  When I first started working at there,  I had to unlock 7 doors  every day to begin my work!  The first door let me into the building itself, and the second door let me into the Good News office.  I understood the two outside doors being locked.  However, there were five other rooms in the office, and I had been told that those five doors had to be locked and unlocked daily!    It really made no sense to me, but I just followed the instructions of the person before me, often thinking what a waste of time it was!

That process went on for over a year.  Eventually, I had to call the maintenance man to check something in the office, and while he was there, I asked him why I needed to lock the 5 inner doors.  He just looked at me in confusion, and said, “You don’t!”  So for over a year, I had been locking and unlocking the five inside doors for no reason at all!  I had been told to do it, so I did it, even though it felt senseless and took several minutes each day!  After several months, it had become a habit, and an annoying one at that!

How often in our lives, do we do something because it has become a habit?  Perhaps someone has told us that it HAS to done a certain way, or perhaps we have just never stopped to think that there might be a better way to do something.  We don’t take the time to check things out; to see if there is another or easier way to do an activity. A person does not want to get out of their comfort zone so they become stuck. Sometimes the way we do things may become very self-defeating, but we don’t stop to make a conscious decision to change things.  We just get stuck!

Too many times we lock doors to protect ourselves, only to find out that protection is not needed.  Having to use the key over and over again just becomes a habit, even though it may not make much sense.  It is easy to get stuck in unhealthy patterns and not even be aware of it. Making changes in one’s life, getting rid of the old negative habits, and unlocking doors can bring about new meaning to your life. 

Flashing Fireflies of Summer

What a pleasure it is to sit in the backyard during the summer and hear the cicadas creating their distinctive sound and to see the lightning bugs!  It takes me back to my childhood, sitting on the front porch on a hot muggy evening!  I can hear the giggles and remember the fun of summers from my youth.

I am reminded of catching the fireflies and putting them in a jar to watch them light up!  Another thing that happened in my Indiana town was that my father would take a lightning bug, smush it on our ring finger as it would light up, and we would having a glowing ring!  The golden ring would stay lit up for quite some time.  But, now I am aware that it came from the sacrifice of the life of the poor lightning bug!  As an adult I look back in sadness as I realize that he actually had to kill the bug to create my jewelry.  Lately, I have inquired to see if other people ever did this to fireflies, and I have only discovered one person, who was a fellow Hoosier. (Please feel free to let me know if you ever did this as a kid…I am curious!)

After being fascinated by the lightning bugs this year, I decided to “google” fireflies and was astonished to discover that there is one place in the USA where fireflies all flash at the same time, followed by a period of darkness before they light up the sky again.  Apparently, it also happens that they flash in a wave.  For those of you who also find this hard to believe, a web page where you can read more about it is www.pigeonforge.com/synchronous_fireflies/

This left me wondering, what it would be like if people were the same:  all looked the same, all talked at the same time, etc. I believe I would get bored and life would not be very exciting.  I enjoy diversity!  People who think and act differently than me help me to learn more about myself!  No matter what, I might go to Tennessee someday to see the synchronous fireflies, but in the meantime, I will continue enjoy watching them flash one by one in my back yard!

Climbing the Mountain







View of Cascade Mountain....the Challenge for the Day!



The summer of 1997 brought a new challenge for me, as I decided to embark on a mountain climbing trip for a week!  I went with a West Michigan group to the Adirondacks, where we climbed 4 mountains in five days!  I discovered that individuals face mountains in a variety of ways, much as we approach at our lives.  Some people turned it into a race—they wanted to be the first ones to get to the top.  Others set a specific time limit for them to reach the peak.  My choice was to take my time, see what I could, and enjoy the journey along the way.

Cascade Mountain is considered a high peak with the elevation being 4098 feet!  It is a 2.35 mile journey, with the change in elevation being 1940 feet.  The path is filled with beautiful birch trees and babbling brooks, and we had been told that the view from the top was outstanding.

It was a challenging climb, and another friend and I became separated from the group as we were taking our time.  We had been told that the trail was well marked, but unexpectedly we came to a spot where the trail disappeared.  There was a huge boulder in front of us, and there appeared to be voices beyond it.  We climbed the rock, but the voices vanished and we did not see a path to follow.  Deciding that we had missed a trail marker, we went back down the boulder and retraced our steps.  My friend and I could not find a trail marker, so we went back to the bolder.  After we reached the top of it once more, the two of us did some more exploration to see where we should go.  At first I felt the fear of being lost.  However, we realized that we could find our way back to the cars.  Disappointed and discouraged, my friend and I decided the safest thing for us to do was to turn around and go back.  Getting lost in the woods was not what we had in mind for our summer vacation!



The Trail...when we could find it!

We hiked for around twenty minutes back down the trail that we came from—we were familiar with it.   Suddenly, we ran into 3 people who were on their way to the top of Cascade Mountain!  We explained our plight, and they told us that they had been there before and knew the way.  They invited us to join them in their journey! Once again, we arrived at the boulder, and climbed it for the 3^rd time (this was probably the most challenging part of the climb—and we had done it 3 times!)  Our new friends guided us on the trail past the boulder, and we eventually found the rest of our group. 



The Cascade Mountaintop view was outstanding.  You could see the little town of Lake Placid, and even the ski jump from the Olympics!  Looking around from the top of this mountain was breath taking.  We were so grateful that we had found people to help us find our way there!

Often times the journey to recovery seems overwhelming.  Sometimes it is easy to get lost and think that you cannot find your way out.  At that point, it is often helpful to find someone who has been there before you to give you some direction.  It may mean that you have to face the same challenge more than once, and be diligent in searching for the answers.  But once you reach the top, the rewards are many.  Our journey toward healing can take us to many new and satisfying places!   Taking challenges brings rewards!



View from the top!  What a reward!

Self Awareness

Self awareness is a key element in developing intimacy.  Ironically, becoming close with another person cannot really be achieved if we are not aware of the emotions, behaviors, and actions that are happening within us.  When we are closed to learning about ourselves and how we relate to another, it dramatically hinders how we are with others.

So often in relationships we tend to focus on the other person and how they are relating to us.  At times, we even wish that they would change, instead of questioning ourselves and wondering what we can do to help the relationship deepen. 

Learn to be curious about yourself!  Explore some of these questions: 

·         How do I react to others?

·         How do I communicate with them? 

·         Am I being authentic?

·         Do I trying to please others instead of being honest with my feelings?

·         Am I being vulnerable with them?

 The way to actually develop closeness to others is to really pay attention to yourself in the relationship.    This usually takes a lot of practice in the beginning, since it is not something that we have been taught.  But greater self awareness leads to intimacy with others.