Reactions to Intimacy!

Now that my blog “Getting Intimate With Lois” has been here for a week, I have enjoyed reflecting on others’ reactions to the title!  And….there are varied responses.  All the way from “Absolutely awesome” to “Gee…I really don’t like the name of the blog”, and those who say, I did not understand why you named it that, until I read the description!  The good thing for me is that people are reacting!  And hopefully, in the process, wondering what intimacy means to them and how they experience it in their life!

The unfortunate part about this word intimacy is that there are those who equate it with sex.  And the reality is that intimacy is about getting close to people in many ways, especially emotionally.  It involves letting another see who you really are...”warts and all”, as the saying goes.   Being vulnerable with those you trust and letting them know your inner most thoughts and feelings is not an easy thing to do, but an important element to strive for.  It deepens relationships, and yes, it does bring hurt as well as joy. 

Being authentic in a relationship means letting others know who you really are, what you are feeling, and what is going on inside of you.  When you do that, you will find a connection, a bond that is strong.  It is wonderful when you can relate honestly with others and respond to their reactions to you.  It helps you to clarify what you believe and to know what changes you can make within yourself to have even healthier relationships.  There are times when you will be hurt, or you will hurt others.  But the joy comes in hanging in there together and working through differences as you express who you really are!

Welcome to the journey of creating more intimacy and joy in your life!

Relationship Tip of the Year!

Recently at a seminar I was facilitating, a participant honored me by reporting that something I had said at a presentation had made a huge impact on his life.  He said that this one thing was the most important lesson that he had grasped for the whole year!  Needless to say, I was very curious as to what this bit of information might be!  " What was it?"  I wondered that had such an impact on him?
He reminded me of my statement:                              

 “For a healthy relationship, it is important to be committed to the relationship, not to the other person.” 

I remembered the presentation, and also recalled some others in the group challenging me on the statement!  How many times have we been told it is important to be committed to the other person?
However, if the focus is the other person and what it best for them, then it is easy to lose yourself. Often times a person eventually gets upset, feels left out, and the blame game begins!  It might end up in a lopsided situation where one person is actually put on a pedestal.  Realistically, in friendships and partnerships, if participants are authentic and honest, there will be snags along the way. This is what life and growth is all about!  When you are committed to the relationship, it brings opportunities to come together to share and discuss differences, to understand the other person, and to actually stay in the relationship, accepting each other where you are, and building intimacy.  How delightful it can be to actually appreciate and enjoy the diversity of one another and to celebrate your connection!

Discovery through others!

When I visited Monet Gardens in France in 2007, I enjoyed taking pictures of all the beautiful flowers. 
Can you see the white moth in the lower left hand corner?   Interestingly enough, when I took the photograph I did not notice it!  I was so delighted to be at Monet gardens and excited to take pictures that I missed this small, but fun detail.  It was only when my mother was looking at the picture and talked about the butterfly that I too saw it!  Sometimes that is the way it is in life.  We get so caught up in things around us that we miss something small and beautiful! Then someone else points it out to us!  How delightful when we can take in others' observations and learn new things. Be careful not to miss the opportunities that come your way.

Appreciating the Rain!

I had planned to enjoy the sunshine today but instead, I find myself watching the raindrops and appreciating the cooler air…a relief from all the heat we have had!

The rain is wonderful for my garden.

Gardening brings much joy. In order for a garden to grow, both the sunshine and the rain are required.  In your life, the storms and the winds often build stronger roots.  You may not be able to see it at the time, when things seem the most difficult.  The struggles you have will help you to have a better sense of who you are. If you embrace your challenges and face them, they will help you become a stronger person. 

Occasionally it is difficult to see the weeds in your garden.  When they first appear, you may think that they are actually sprouts of new plants.  However, as they get bigger, it because more obvious that they are weeds, and do not belong in your garden.  When you pull them out and put them in a compost pile, you turn the weeds into fertilizer for your garden.  Likewise, you can use the hurtful and painful things in your life to nurture your soul.

It may be time in your life to pull out the weeds and get rid of the dead leaves.  Plan what you want your life to be like.  Try to visualize the end result.  As your get rid of unwanted weeds, there may be volunteer plants that appear, which you did not expect, but you can embrace them, and work around them.  Sometimes the flowers that come up as a surprise add some variety and extra beauty.

In the early part of spring, it may seem that the garden grows very slowly.  But later in the season, the plants may overwhelm you.  At first there is one zucchini, and then there are many!  In your life you may experience both slow and rapid growth.  Even after the plants begin to grow, you cannot just leave them unattended.    The soil needs to continue to be tilled in order to keep out the weeds, and you need to fertilize your garden.  Some plants will also need to be pruned.  A healthy raspberry bush will overtake your garden if it is not pruned.  Therefore, it is important to continue to be aware of what you want in your garden, and be in charge of the plants so that you get what you want.  Likewise, relationships need to be nurtured.

Another important thing to remember about beautiful gardens is that you may share them with others.  When people see your lovely flowers, they may ask for seeds or starts of plants.  Sharing what you have reaped is a way to connect with others.  I delight in seeing flowers that began from plants at my mother’s yard.  Gardens are another way of sharing with family and friends.

As you look at your life and relationships, remember the garden.  Are their things in your life that you need to weed out?  What seeds do you want to plant?  What do you need to do to encourage growth and intimacy in your relationships?  Remember, you are the gardener for your life!